All By Herself Read online

  “I know,” said Zoe. “Still I can’t help feeling that I have a life inside of me that I need to bring it to this world. I’m here because my mother faced the odds and raised me. Don’t I owe the same thing to this child?”

  “It’s hard to say, Zoe,” said Amber. “Think about it, okay? I brought some things for you and I’ll get you Michael’s info. Let me know if you need anything.”

  “Will do.”

  Amber gave her a hug and left. Zoe collapsed onto her sofa and stared at the ceiling. Her life was unraveling before her eyes.

  Chapter4

  “Mr. de Winter is busy.” The voice at the other end was cold and distant. “Who shall I say is calling?”

  Zoe closed her eyes and prayed for patience. “I told you, it’s a personal matter. I need to speak to him directly.”

  “I’m afraid that will not be possible.” She sounded disdainful. “Mr. de Winter is not in a position to accept calls from strangers.”

  The less said about what your boss is prepared to accept the better, thought Zoe. She hung up and leaned her head against the wall. Amber had managed to get the number of his personal assistant, but she was no closer to getting through to him. She decided to take the bull by the horns and try to meet with him in person.

  At the nightclub? There were probably hundreds that he frequented. What about his apartment? She thought about it and concluded that it was worth a shot. That evening after work she took the subway to his address. It was a short walk to his building. She was beginning to feel queasy and was glad that the distance was small. She managed to get in without any problem and headed for his floor.

  She knocked on the door, but there was no response. Annoyed, she tried again and a woman opened it. It was the maid who had awakened her when she had spent the night there.

  “Hi,” said Zoe, trying to smile brightly. “Remember me?”

  The woman stared at her expressionlessly. “No,” she said shortly.

  “I—well, I spent the night here once,” tried Zoe desperately. “My name is Zoe.”

  The woman rolled her eyes. Zoe got the distinct impression that many young women had spent the night here since then.

  “What you want?” she asked brusquely.

  “I-I would like to see Mr. de Winter,” said Zoe.

  “He not here,” said the maid. “Okay? You go away.” She began to close the door.

  Something inside Zoe snapped. After hours of being driven from pillar to post, after being made to seem worthless, she had had enough. She firmly pushed the door back. “You listen here,” she hissed. “I’m not going anywhere till I see Michael. So I kindly suggest you get him or tell me where I can meet him.”

  The woman’s eyes widened in surprise. “You leave or I’ll call the police,” she said.

  “You do that, darling,” snarled Zoe. She was past caring. “I-”

  “Hello?” said someone and Zoe’s heart leaped.. She’d recognize that voice anywhere. “Is something wrong?”

  “Michael!” Zoe said. “I need to see you.”

  The door opened some more and he stepped out. He seemed genuinely surprised to see her. “Oh! Hello, um…”

  “Zoe,” she said, though gritted teeth.

  “Of course, Zoe,” he said smoothly. “What can I do for you?”

  She took a deep breath. How was she going to tell him? “Can we talk somewhere private?” she asked.

  He shrugged. “I’m sure that’s not necessary. Why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind?”

  She looked at him. “I’m pregnant,” she said directly.

  Michael swallowed. He also became distinctly paler. “What?” he gasped.

  “I’m pregnant,” repeated Zoe.

  Michael looked around and hastily ushered her into the apartment. He led her to a small study. “Are you sure?” he spluttered as soon as he closed the door.

  Zoe rolled her eyes. “No, I’m not, I just took a wild guess.”

  “Okay,” said Michael, pacing about. He was clearly thinking. Suddenly he stopped. “Wait a minute, is the child mine?”

  Zoe felt outraged. “What do you think?”

  “I mean, let’s face it, you got into bed pretty easily,” said Michael defensively. “I’m sure I’m not the only guy to have a nice roll around with you.”

  She was stunned. “What?”

  He raised a hand. “I’m not judging, I’m just pointing it out.”

  “You asshole, I had a roll with you, as you call it, because I thought we had a connection,” Zoe snapped. “And as for judging, I would think that a man who seduces women for sport is the last person who can afford to pass judgment.”

  “I don’t seduce women for sport, only pleasure,” said Michael with a smile. The smile faltered when he saw Zoe’s enraged glare.

  “You’re about to become a father,” she snarled. “Maybe you need to grow up and take some responsibility.”

  He hesitated. “Have you thought of, you know, having an abortion?”

  Zoe shrugged. “I haven’t decided. I wanted to talk with you and see how you felt.”

  “Well, that one is easy,” said Michael hurriedly. “I mean, look at me. I’m in no position to be a father. It’s not as if we planned on this happening. And I’m sure you have—or would like to have—a career somewhere.”

  “I’m a lawyer,” she snapped.

  “Well, see, you have a very bright future.” Michael put a hand on her shoulder. “Look, I will help you. I can pay for all the expenses. Let’s go to a clinic and just end this issue.”

  Zoe stared at him. Suddenly, she began to wonder what she saw in him. He seemed pathetic and weak. “This is about a life, Michael. It’s not an- an issue that you can just terminate.”

  He nodded. “Of course, I understand. It’s a very difficult decision to make. But you have to look at these from a long-term perspective.”

  “And what about the baby’s long term perspective?”

  Michael looked down.

  “We may not have planned it, but there is something inside of me that can become a wonderful, amazing human being. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

  He sighed. “You’re right. That does mean something.”

  “You need to think about this seriously. And you need to stop hiding behind your staff. I have tried to contact you for days.”

  Michael raised his hands. “I didn’t know.”

  “They had to be doing it on someone’s orders.”

  “Look, I’ll give you my personal phone number.” Michael wrote it on a piece of paper. “Think about it. We’ll sort out this problem together.”

  Zoe took the proffered piece of paper and walked to the door. She wasn’t sure if he had a change of heart or was still trying to get rid of her as soon as possible. The housekeeper gave her the evil eye as she walked outside.

  She stood on the sidewalk for a moment, wondering what she should do. A thousand thoughts whirled in her head. Suddenly the image of Carla came to her mind. She decided she would thrash this issue out once and for all with her. Hailing a cab, she headed over to her house.

  Carla looked surprised to see her. “Well, I wasn’t expecting you.” She opened the door. “Come in.” She settled Zoe on the sofa and made her a nice cup of coffee. “What do you want to talk about?”

  Zoe took a sip of the coffee and said, “I went to see Michael. He thinks I should have an abortion.”

  Carla nodded. “I’m not surprised.”

  “He definitely doesn’t want to have the baby. But does it really matter what he thinks?”

  “Well, you know what I had to go through to bring you up.”

  Zoe looked at her carefully. “Yes, but you did it, didn’t you? You had me when you were young. What made you decide not to have an abortion?”

  “I was barely out of my teens when it happened,” reminisced Carla. “I had nothing at the time. No home, barely any money. But then I had a vision, I imagined what a beautiful, wonderful person I was carryi
ng within me. I realized that it was my duty to bring that person to this world.”

  “And yet you want me to have an abortion?” asked Zoe, her voice shaking.

  “I don’t want you to have to make the sacrifices I did,” said Carla. “I have no regrets about having you, but trust me, you will have to make many sacrifices if you go down that road.”

  “I’m here because you believed in me, Mom. How can I deny this baby the same opportunity?”

  They held each other and wept. After a while, Zoe let Carla go and wiped her tears. “I’m going to keep this baby. I owe it that much.”

  “It’s going to be a hard life for you,” said Carla. “But if that’s what you want, I will be with you every step of the way.”

  “Thanks, Mom.” Zoe gave her mother another hug.

  “Now this Michael fellow,” continued Carla. “He may think he can wash his hands off the baby, but he’s going to have to pay child support.”

  Zoe nodded. “I hope I won’t have to take him to court.”

  “Oh, you’ll have to all right,” Carla countered. “He sounds like a nasty piece of work.”

  “No, not nasty exactly,” said Zoe. “Just… immature, I guess. I think he finds it hard to cope with the idea of being a father.”

  Carla snorted. “Well, he should have thought of that before unzipped his pants.”

  “Mom!”

  “And what do you think you have done, sleeping around like that?” Carla looked at her sternly. “That’s not how I raised you.”

  Zoe blanched and looked down.

  “It’s all right,” said Carla. “We all make mistakes. God knows, I have made my share.”

  They laughed. “It’s ironic, isn’t it, that we both ended up with the same problem?” smiled Zoe.

  “That’s college for you, seeing irony and what not,” retorted Carla. “When it happened to me, it was a bloody tragedy.”

  Zoe smiled. “Well, it’s an ironic tragedy.”

  “What are you going to do about Michael?”

  “I’m going to tell him I’m keeping the baby for a start,” said Zoe. “We’ll see what happens from there.”

  “If that scoundrel gives you a hard time, you let me know,” said Carla. “I’ll meet him and sort him out.”

  “Mom, I don’t need you to fight my battles for me,” protested Zoe. “I’m a lawyer, I can handle this.”

  “I know, I raised you to be a tough cookie,” said Carla. “You go and tell this guy to man up—or else.”

  Zoe nodded, but she had grave doubt about how Michael would handle the situation.

  She decided to call him and tell him. The phone rang for some time and she was afraid that he had given her a wrong number. But at last he answered.

  “Hello,” he said, sounding quite subdued.

  “I’m keeping the baby,” she said, coming directly to the point.

  Michael was silent for a moment. “Are you sure about this, Zoe?” he asked quietly.

  “Yes,” said Zoe. “My mother had me when she was young. She made the decision to have me. I don’t care how this child was conceived. I feel I have to give it the same opportunity I’ve got.”

  Michael sighed. “Look, I get that. But you need to remember this is not a baby yet. You can make the decision to terminate now. And you’re not your mother. I mean, you have a career.”

  “I’ll manage, Michael,” said Zoe coldly. “I was just hoping you’d be able to man up and face your responsibilities.”

  “What responsibilities, Zoe? I mean, the truth is I hardly know you. It was just a night of passion. I don’t know what you expect from me.”

  “I don’t care what you think about me. I don’t expect you to marry me, Michael. But you have to realize that you are dealing with a life here, the life of your child. I was brought up in a fatherless home. I know what that’s like. Don’t do that to this baby.”

  “I’m not cut out to be a father,” he protested.

  “So what, you want to be some playboy the rest of your life, running from your responsibilities?”

  “I don’t know what you consider my responsibilities to be. I mean, it’s not like I planned to have a child. And the fact is, I’m still not sure I’m the father of this baby. We only had sex once. What are the odds of that happening?”

  “The odds are enough for it to have happened. And I’ll get a paternity test done if you want me to.”

  “I think that would be a good idea.”

  “Fine,” snapped Zoe. “I’ll take the test.”

  “Great.” Michael sounded hopeful. “There’s a lab that I know of that has a great non-invasive test. Are you free tomorrow?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay, let’s meet at the lab.”

  He gave her the address and hung up.

  Chapter5

  Zoe had thought the child would have to be born before a paternity test could be done. But after researching the subject, she discovered that there were a number of techniques of ascertaining the father while the fetus was still in the womb. A non-invasive technique was simply testing the blood of the mother which would contain tiny DNA particles from the fetus. She was glad to learn of it. She didn’t want Michael to think that he wasn’t the father of the child. At the same time, the test would not pose a health risk to the baby.

  Michael had already come to the lab when she arrived. She noticed that he looked pale and apprehensive. Was he hoping that he wasn’t the father? The nurse who came to collect her blood was quick and professional. After taking samples from both of them, she asked them to come back in a few days to collect the results.

  As they stepped outside, Zoe said, “This child is definitely yours. You should know that.”

  Michael nodded. “I believe you. I just need to be sure.” He looked around. “Where is your car?”

  “I’ll get a cab,” she replied.

  “I’ll drop you off,” he said, gesturing towards his own vehicle, a shiny new BMW.

  “I can manage,” she demurred.

  “Don’t be silly,” he insisted. “You’re a pregnant woman, you shouldn’t be hanging around looking for taxis.”

  Zoe thought, Why not? As she slid into the comfy leather seat, she saw Michael checking his phone. A message from another woman?

  “This must have been quite a shock for you,” she said conversationally as the BMW headed to her place.

  Michael nodded.

  “Afraid a baby might cramp your lifestyle?”

  “Look, I know I may have come across as some kind of asshole, but this whole pregnancy thing was just such a surprise. I guess I wasn’t sure what to think.”

  “It was a surprise for me, too,” said Zoe. “This is not something I wanted to happen.”

  “I mean, let’s face it, there are a lot of girls who would want to get pregnant, you know, get me for child support.” He saw Zoe’s expression and hastily added, “Not that I saying that’s what you set out to do.”

  “How could it be when you were the one who took me to your room and fucked me without using a condom?” she snapped.

  They drove in silence for some time, then Zoe said, “We are not going to get anywhere by blaming each other. I’m going to have this baby whether you like it or not, so I suggest you deal with it.”

  Michael raised a hand. “I didn’t mean to imply… Look, let’s wait for the results and take it from there, okay?”

  “Fine.” They had reached her place. She thanked him for the ride, figuring there was nothing to be lost by being polite and left.

  She took a deep breath once she was inside the room. She had nothing to hide, but the innuendo that she was nothing but a gold digging whore who was looking to make a fast buck off of her child was deeply unpleasant. She fixed herself a quick lunch and headed for work. She’d only taken the morning off and she needed to figure out how she was going to keep her job while having the baby.

  She decided it would be best to be open about it. She called Amanda, her immediate b
oss. She was a tough taskmaster, but Zoe was a good worker and the two were very friendly.

  “Are you busy? Can I see you for a minute?” she asked.

  “Well, I’m preparing a file at the moment, but why don’t you come in for a quick chat,” said Amanda.

  “What’s on your mind?” she asked when Zoe was seated in her office.

  Zoe wondered how she was going to put this. Suddenly getting pregnant was not the most professional behavior. She was afraid Amanda would think poorly of it. “The thing is… I’m pregnant,” she said, deciding there was no point beating around the bush.

  Amanda raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.”

  Zoe blushed. “I don’t. It-it was just some guy I met at a nightclub.”

  “Who you had unprotected sex with?” Amanda looked astonished.

  “I know.” Zoe looked down. “It was a stupid thing to do.”

  “I’m talking to you as your friend, not your boss,” said Amanda. “There’s nothing wrong with having a one-night stand. Hell, I fancy a bit of fat dick from time to time. But to do it without taking precautions is just stupid.”

  Zoe said nothing.

  Amanda sighed. “I guess we all make mistakes. Are you going to keep the baby?”

  “Yes, I have decided to keep the baby,” said Zoe.

  “Are you sure?”

  Zoe nodded. “This baby may be unplanned. But so was I when my mother had me. I want to make sure it has the same opportunities at life that I had.”

  “Zoe, as a partner of this firm, I’m supposed to feed you the company line about having work life balance and maternity benefits and all that,” said Amanda. “But as your friend, you need to know that becoming a single mom is going to have a very adverse impact on your career. You are doing great here. In a few years, you could make partner. That’s not going to happen if you go through with this.”

  Zoe was silent for a while. “I know I’m on a great track. And you helped me a lot to get there. Is there anything you can do to help me with this?”